The decision to divorce is an extremely difficult one that has enduring ramifications for your entire family. Preparing yourself for telling the children is critical to helping them understand the divorce and being honest with them. This article includes several tips on breaking the news.
- Don't jump to conclusions about what this means for their life A conversation about how they might have to move, give up time with one parent, or spend time in court during a custody battle is not a fruitful discussion at this time. Reassure them that this process will be difficult and that you're not sure what will happen. Remind them that you will focus on outcomes that have their best interests in mind.
- Don't bash the other parent Of course there are difficult details at hand and maybe even anger towards the spouse. This is not the time to bash Mommy or Daddy. Children will be confused by your sudden anger and harsh words towards the other parent. Instead, focus on the general and highlight that this doesn't change the fact that both of you are still the mother and father and that both of you want the best for them.
- Expect some form of outcry It might not happen right away. It might even happen six months down the road. It is likely to happen, though. The emotional reaction could be outbursts or more subtle. Seek advice and resources about how to handle the emotional response from children through a divorce. You'll be facing your own challenges, but don't forget that the children need your support now, too.
- Don't use words that make the divorce sound like choosing between parents Tough questions will come from your kids during the process. "Why don't you love Daddy anymore?" might raise answers that are well beyond the understanding or need-to-know basis of your kids, so choose your words carefully. Remain calm when answering and stay away from negative words or responses.
- Don't underestimate their perception Sometimes children are much more intelligent and perceptive than parents tend to give them credit for. If you and your spouse have been fighting for some time, they have probably heard or seen it and are aware of the tension. Don't act as though this was a sudden decision, because they are unlikely to believe you. Divorce is a very difficult subject to discuss but there is value in some honesty.
Robert F. McLaughlin has been practicing law for over 23 years. He has handled a broad spectrum of complex civil litigation, family law and criminal matters. Mr. McLaughlin graduated from top-ranked Boston College Law School in 1989. http://orangecounty-familylawyer.com
(c) Copyright - Robert F. McLaughlin. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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